Are You a Bully with Your Feelings?

The standard feeling of neutrality, and I enjoy it!Photo by Matthew Eaton

The standard feeling of neutrality, and I enjoy it!
Photo by Matthew Eaton

You simply can’t believe your ears, can you?

You tried your best to make someone’s day. You’ve put on your best face. You’ve made a fantastic effort. You’ve said the witty line you’ve practiced in the mirror until you’re blue in the face.

Instead of laughter and a sincere thank you, all you hear is silence. The look on their face is neutrality at best.

What is wrong with them?

Why don’t they see you care?

Why can’t they be happier?

What are they, a monster?

These are all normal feelings, my dear readers. You stumbled into the personality DMZ, where your best attack means nothing against us.

I say “us” because I am one of those neutral people you struggle to comprehend.

What? That’s right. I am as neutral as the day is gray. You won’t find me searching out the next greatest thing to make me elated. I won’t end up trading a minute of my time for a joke and a smile. In fact, if I look at the millions of people like me out there, you’d be surprised how many don’t use their emotions.

This piece will guide you through the DMZ of neutrality. Continue reading

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How People Pleasing Almost Ruined my Life

My arrogance forced me to please peoplePhoto by Matthew Eaton

My arrogance forced me to please people
Photo by Matthew Eaton

Admit it, you have no idea why you just said yes.

Your boss walked out of your cubicle with a coaxed yes. You have a project due in a few days, but the thought of saying no to another one scares you. You don’t want to let anyone down because it turns the uncomfortable spotlight to you instead.

As a survivor of child abuse, the focus turns into a trigger and sets you into a spiral. You want to please because you don’t want shame, anger, or guilt any longer. You say yes because you want the world to be okay.

You are doing yourself a disservice by pleasing people. I hope to shatter some illusions about this concept today. Continue reading

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Is success a salve for your fears?

Success and Fear are not the same coinPhoto by Matthew Eaton

Success and Fear are not the same coin
Photo by Matthew Eaton

How far do you let your fear carry you as a survivor?

I often wonder this as dwell on my life. I know fear took me to wild places and strange areas as I moved through my life. I gave up control and allowed my world to dictate to me what was on my plate and how I could deal with it.

“I’m not smart enough because I didn’t earn a degree.”

“I should never say anything because I wasn’t strong to speak when I did.”

“I need to sabotage everything because that is the only way love exists.”

Fear is a hell of a drug (and it is a drug), and the tendrils run wide and deep if you let it.

So, what have you prevented yourself from doing because of fear? Continue reading

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Do You Struggle with Failure to Thrive?

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You have Zero excuse to not fail. Entire industries are based on it!

You are a professional failure, and that is a good thing.

I sat in on a regular chat I attend (#sexabusechat over on Twitter) and listened to the amazing stories of courage and healing. I sprinkled a few tales of my own in there as well from my days in the church and how they treated my sexual abuse as if it were a great thing given to me by God.

However, even after the hour ends and the after chat starts, I couldn’t help but notice that the momentum and power of the words exchanged by all of us faded, and the default mode kicked in once more.

It wasn’t a bad thing, mind you. It was just amazing to see how some people quickly went to default mode almost as if there would be another chat next week, and they were going to attend it without fail.

Except that isn’t how change works. You can’t attend all the chats in perpetuity and expect the world to change around you. You can’t change the fact you may not make it to the next chat.

There’s no waiting on time because the best time to change something is right now, even a bit at a time. Continue reading

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Dark Souls Are Not to Fear, But to Love

The Dark night of the soulOriginal Photo by Matthew Eaton.

The Dark night of the soul
Original Photo by Matthew Eaton.

Do you languish in the darkness, or do you thrive in it?

This question lingers in my mind as I recall a conversation in my idle time.

“You know, the stuff you post is dark – really dark – but you’re always coming in here all cheery and happy.”

I discussed some people’s need to make me be something I am not. Instead, I learned a little more about myself.

I didn’t think anything about this statement at the time, but as I worried over it like a priceless possession, I wondered if it was possible the world was wrong and I, indeed, was correct in my darkness.

I live in the darkness, laughing at my disaster. Continue reading

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